Finally, it’s over!

The four year long pain of Jodie Whittaker being Doctor Who is finally over, and she went out as she came in. With a whimper.

Good fucking riddance Jodie, your time as the Doctor can be summed up in one word. Miscast.

A god awful actress with god awful writer and a cretinous cunt of a showrunner, looking at you Chibnall. You can take a long jump off a fucking cliff as well for all I care, at least it will protect us from more of your tedious, unimaginative scripts in the future.

Don’t let the Tardis door hit your arse on the way out.

Amazing coloured photos of the four Romanov daughters

I’ve just been reading Helen Rappaport’s excellent book Four Sisters again, about the four daughters of the last Tsar of Russia.

While doing some research on the interweb, I found this stunning image of the Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia.


P.S. Just after I published this post, I noticed that this image is the actually the front cover of the current edition of the book. Whoops! One of the problems with using an eReader.

The Clangers phone sounds

I have too much spare time on my hands, so one night when the wife buggered off to sleep, I went through some episodes of the new Clangers and grabbed some audio for some phone notifications.

After literally a few seconds work in Audacity I had enough to drive people around me mad, and since I’m a sharing kind of person, here they are for download. Sure I’m breaking copyright regulations, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.





Sharia Law in the UK

I see this is doing the rounds on Facebook again.



Which Sharia Laws are you speaking of? Oh, you mean you can’t think of any? That might be because, and let’s be clear about this, THERE ISN’T ANY FUCKING SHARIA LAW IN THE UK! It’s not recognised in the UK. It’s not recognised under UK law. There are no Sharia exceptions in UK law.

The Islamic Sharia Council, which has 100 or so courts in the UK, act overwhelming on marriage issues in Muslim communities, wish are NOT legally binding. You’re upset over that? Well maybe you should be upset about similar Jewish courts that have been operating for much longer.  No ssshhhhh be quiet, they aren’t muzzies so they’re ok.

Maybe you mean the Muslim Arbitration Tribunals, whose decisions are legally binding? Now, that’s bollocks as well. ANY arbitration where the parties agree is legally binding, see the Arbitration Act 1996.

So, you knuckle dragging, Daily Mail reading, UKIP cunts… where is this Sharia Law that you are so terrified of?

Sorry, but Sarcastic People are Actually Smarter Than You Are

Sarcasm, as they say, is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.

In some cases, sarcasm is a means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others or insecurity about oneself, as Psychology Today puts it. In other cases, it’s more of a secret shield from all the moronic buffoons in the world – a sort of a “true lie” that listeners won’t always comprehend as being insincere.

It’s a private joke that can save you from annoying and aggravating situations, providing a respite in humor even in the crappiest situations.

So are sarcastic people just certified smart asses, or are we more intelligent (at least on an emotional level) than non-sarcastic people?

An university investigation shows that the ability to understand sarcasm depends on a carefully orchestrated sequence of complex cognitive skills in specific parts of the brain.Dr Shamay-Tsoory, a psychologist at the Rambam Medical Centre in Haifa and the University of Haifa, said: “Sarcasm is related to our ability to understand other people’s mental state. It’s not just a linguistic form, it’s also related to social cognition.”

Her research revealed that areas of the brain that decipher sarcasm and irony also process language, recognize emotions and help us understand social cues.

Dr Shamay-Tsoory further explained that “understanding other people’s state of mind and emotions is related to our ability to understand sarcasm.”

Sarcasm seems to exercise the brain more than sincere statements do. Scientists who have monitored the electrical activity of the brains of test subjects exposed to sarcastic statements have found that brains have to work harder to understand sarcasm.There is actually a three-stage neural pathway in our brains that enables us to understand irony.

First the language center in the brain’s left hemisphere interprets the literal meaning of words. Next, the frontal lobes and right hemisphere process the speaker’s intention and check for contradictions between the literal meaning and the social and emotional context. Finally, the right ventromedial prefrontal cortex – our sarcasm meter – makes a decision based on our social and emotional knowledge of the situation.

According to Smithsonian magazine, a study in Israel has college students listen to complaints on a cellphone company’s customer service line.The students were better able to solve problems creatively when the complaints were sarcastic as opposed to just plain angry. According to the study’s authors, sarcasm “appears to stimulate complex thinking and to attenuate the otherwise negative effects of anger.”

So the students who recognized sarcasm had a better developed “theory of mind” – an ability to see beyond the literal meaning of the words, and understand that the speaker may be referring to something entirely different.For example, a theory of mind allows you to realize that when your girlfriend says “nice pants” when you have a giant hole in your crotch,she means just the opposite, that bitch.

As Richard Chin of Smithsonian Magazine explains, sarcasm requires a series of “mental gymnastics.” Sarcastic, satirical or ironic statements all compel the brain to “think beyond the literal meaning of the words and understand that the speaker may be thinking of something entirely different.”Studies have shown that exposure to sarcasm enhances creative problem solving. Thus, over time, this increased bulk of cognitive-expenditure doesn’t go to waste. Chin describes active sarcasm use as a means of “mental exercise.” Just like training your muscles, if you do 50 push-ups a day, over time, your arms are bound to be toned. So sarcasm, as a form of “mental exercise,” or “mental gymnastics” functions the same way. Over time, that “extra work” brought forth by sarcasm leaves our brains toned, too.

Some language experts suggest sarcasm is used as a sort of gentler insult, a way to tone down criticism with indirectness and humor. Other researchers have found that the mocking, smug, superior nature of sarcasm is perceived as more hurtful than a plain-spoken criticism; in fact, the Greek root for sarcasm, sarkazein, means to tear flesh like dogs.

But that all depends on who you’re talking to. Without sarcasm, what other shield do we have from stupid people?

Original article taken from PuckerMob.

Who needs critical thinking when it looks good?

I’ve seen this image posted by quite a few people on Facebook and tracing it back to its source, at the time of writing it’s been shared 211,669 times. Now have a read of what it says and I’ll join you after.


Yeah! Bloody foreigners eh? Well no, because unlike the 211,000+ lobotomised muppets who’ve shared this shite, the first thing I did was reach for Google to find a) how much the Department for International Development budget is and b) what the UK GNI (that’s Gross National Income) is.

So how many billions do we give to other countries? Well, a ten second Google search finds the 2014 Statistics on International Development relatively quickly and we can see how much those foreigners are milking the UK taxpayers (that’s sarcasm!)

The UK has committed to giving 0.7% of GNI  as agreed by the United Nations in 1970, which will please  the New World Order conspiracy morons. But it’s also good news for window lickers who read the Daily Mail or support UKIP as in 2005 the EU also agreed to 0.7% of GNI by 2013. Bloody EU, taking our sovereignty and… and… shit (that was sarcastic as well!)

So from this document we can see that the UK government gives £11.4 billion to “other countries” and without any context whatsoever, it seems like a hell of a lot of money! Well that why we also look at the GNI of the UK because we know it’s only 0.7%.

Firstly GNI is Gross National Income and for 2013, the UK earned £1,465,641,838,680… yes that’s one trillion pounds, or £1,400 billion. Well gee, that poxy £11.4 billion looks piss poor now doesn’t it, dare I say trivial. So how much does the UK actually spend? According the Public Expenditure Statistical Analyses 2014, a cure for even the worst insomnia, in 2014-2015 the UK will spend £732 billion so in fact the johnny foreigners are pilfering 1.55% of UK government spending. The bastards (it’s sarcasm FFS!)

According to Wikipedia the average salary in the UK is £26,500, so it’s the equivalent of Mr/Mrs average giving £410 a year to help others. Like that’s going to fucking happen!

So after a few minutes research, you can see that the “billions” we give to “other countries” is poultry compared to government income and expenditure, but hey, don’t let something like facts get in the way of good old fashioned British xenophobic bullshit. Why not ask the questions that need to be asked like, where does the other £721 billion go?

I’m a big believer in helping those less fortunate than myself, and karma and that is why I don’t give a flying fuck about donating £11 billion to countries who need help in health, infrastructure, education, water sanitation and humanitarian aid and you’re a sociopathic prick if you don’t see any positive reasons to do so.

Putting emotive phrases when referring to the elderly, homelessness, mental illness and the armed forces is there for just that, to spark a reaction. All those issues have been around for decades, and you think £11 billion will suddenly solve all those problems you listed?  You idiot.

So we’re back to 211,000+ people who have reposted this shit image. Learn some critical thinking. Learn to read before believing what anyone says ESPECIALLY on Facebook! Learn to fucking research. Then you can make an informed decision on information rather than blindly follow those fuckers from UKIP or the Daily Mail.

Scotland votes

I’ve not been asked by many people what my views are on the vote for Scottish independence, but those that have  mirror my own views and that is this:

I would prefer Scotland not to leave the UK, but I can perfectly understand why they would want to. And the English attitudes, to me, are of jealously that the Scots COULD possibly be free of those fucking wastes of space in Westminster.

Strange that the Yes campaign picked up momentum as soon as Cameron, Clegg and Milliband started turning up in Scotland regularly, weird that.

I love Scotland, I love the people, I love the scenery. Good luck to the Scots in whatever they decide.

Brazil 1 – Germany 7

Ok it’s 13 days after the event, but this match is so good and so hilarious to watch, I torrented it the next day and I’ve watched it four times now and it doesn’t stop getting any funnier.

After the fourth time, I thought it would be a giggle to post my favourite screen grabs.










Well it’s half time, how’s the Brazilian fans doing?

Not well I guess. Still, at least it can’t get any worse.





A little full time action

The most hilarious image for me…


…David Luiz praying to his god. Why? Praying he’ll come down and magic the scores? Or praying you won’t get lynched outside the stadium for playing so badly?

Dear Mr. Murdoch

Dear Mr. Murdoch, what have you done
With your news of the screws and your soaraway sun?
You sharpen our hatred
You’ve blunted our minds
We’re drowning in nipples and bingo and sex crimes
How many time must they poke and they pry
Must they twist and lie?
Just to add to the grime they even screwed up the times
Love to kick their arse goodbye oh wouldn’t i!

Dear Mr. Murdoch you play hard to see
But with your bare-arsed cheek you should be on page three
And dear Mr. Murdoch you’re really the pits
Bad news is good business, you’re the king of the tits

They stain all they touch, they’re real woman haters
But we’re on their trail
They go straight for the lowest common denominators
How could they fail? go straight to jail – (no bail)!

Dear Mr. Murdoch you’re a powerful man
You control half our media whose values don’t scan
And dear Mr. Murdoch we’re not so amused
Just line up the people whose lives they’ve abused

Dear Mr. Murdoch what do you know
With your minions like vultures and carrion crow
They’ve sunk just as low as humans can sink
For profit they tell us how mass murderers think

And dear Mr. Murdoch you come down from on high
You even bought up the air waves, you control all our sky

Dear Mr. Murdoch you’re a dangerous chap
With your jingoist lingo we’re drowning in crap

Dear Mr. Murdoch where are you coming from?
Getting so hard to tell if you’re a yank, oz or pom

Dear Mr. Murdoch you’re really the pits
Bad news is good business, you’re the king of the tits

Dear Mr. Murdoch you do it with zing
At lowering the standards you’re really the king

And dear Mr. Murdoch what have you done?
You’re not quite as nice as attila the hun