Random Shite

Category: Mark (Page 1 of 19)

Another rant about designers

I have a love/hate relationship with designers, and I can say with absolute predictability, that it’s mostly been hate.

Past experience of a designers sending a web site design done Adobe InDesign or a spec so concise it could fit on a fucking stamp, really didn’t make life easy. Of course, that’s presuming you get a specification at all, hearing the words “do what you want” always filled me with dread as I knew with certainty that I’d end up doing 17 revisions of same fucking thing over and over again because the vague phrase “clean looking” means jack shit.

I love that some prick just out of university with a degree in design can be paid an exorbitant amount of money to piss around in Adobe Photoshop, fucking around with every combination of RGB values until it looks “nice and clean.”   No, sorry, I forget they can also draw boxes and use type tool to put “So and so goes here.”

And heaven forbid if a developer, like me, doesn’t make it an exact copy of their ever so precious piece of design. Yes, that one pixel difference ruins it huh?  Twat.

In the past it has caused more stress than anything else. It’s their “baby” and their intransigence to any slight modification of MY design” beggars belief.

It’s actually quite refreshing that the UI/UX designer I work with is… well… a laugh to work with and actually flexible. He’ll sit next to me and suggest changes to his work, and he always asks me for my input. Who would of thought it was possible 🙂

I like to keep up to date with design trends, and so you can imagine my reaction when I read my design feeds, and some pretentious hipster prick is banging on about him being a design wizard/ninja/god/etc.

facepalm-description

I was reading an article the other day, and I forgot to bookmark it, where some cock was going on about a design he was working on, and how he had to, and I remembered this part in particular, “ninjitsu” something it to work.

Sorry? What the fuck is “ninjitsu”? But then I remembered I was reading an article by a pretentious prick, and from what I can gather, it what developers refer to as a bodge/hack/workaround. Developers don’t have an ego the size of fucking Jupiter, so we don’t “ninjitsu” anything, nor do we have an over inflated sense of self-importance to call ourselves “rock stars.”

Designers, learn to be just a little more pragmatic about things. Developers don’t try to be awkward for the sake of it, we don’t go out of our way to fuck up your precious designs.

 

Three of life’s little irritants

I have a list of annoyances in life with people that really tip me over the edge. Things that turn me from happy to furious in the blink of an eye.

Lying

They say honesty is the best policy, well apparently not when you are dealing with fucking idiots on the internet. It’s why I log everything I say on the internet, just on the off chance that some fucker decides six months down the line, that I said something which I know I didn’t. My memory is shot to pieces about many things, but I do remember what I’ve said and not said in my head, and thankfully I have gigabytes of text files going back to my days on IRC in the 1990’s to prove it.

Yeah, I should have a clear out one day.

On time

If I can take the trouble of being on time for something, then why can’t anyone else? If people are five minutes late, I’ll either fuck off home or go elsewhere.

The art of conversation

The internet is killing the art and etiquette of conversation.

Imagine you are in a bar. You see a friend and you start a conversation. You are in the middle of saying something and then this friend just fucks off with no warning. You wouldn’t do it would you? So why the fuck do people do it on instant messaging. What happened to saying “I’ll be back in a moment” or “I have to go”? I just had an example of someone asking me why deleted a message from yesterday. I said it was crap and asked how they were. Oh they’ve fucked off. Great.

Maybe it’s because I was brought up properly by my parents, but these things really boil my piss and I’m getting more and more intolerant of people.

I’ve dropped friends I’ve known for decades if they’ve fucked me off enough, so I have absolutely no guilt about telling someone I’ve known for a few months to fuck off.

Computers in Hollywood, never realistic… but fucking Jurassic Park is the worst.

You have a Velociraptor bashing (no pun intended) at the door, you need to lock the doors quick as it’s only Sam Neill holding the nasty little fucks back.

So what method do you think the brains behind Jurassic Park decided would be the best way to secure a big fucking metal door.

  1. A fucking lock on the door?
  2. A switch next to the door to lock it?
  3. A fucking archaic Unix graphic file browser where you have a 3D representation of the file structure, and you have to find the program to lock the doors?

Of course, it’s number three. For fuck’s sake.

Just interested in where the fire alarm is, the parent folder?

It is actually a real piece of software called FSN, or Fusion by Silicon Graphics.

Tomorrow you wake up as the opposite sex. What’s the first thing you’ll do?

This came up today on my Facebook page.

44e3c63d0a6152896fd0e3127b014b7d

I just happened to mention it in work this afternoon during the “funny hour” that seems to happen from 3pm to 4pm.

In the blink of an eye, without any break in silence, someone, and she will rename nameless, shouted out “have a wank!”

I was in tears of laughter as it was unexpected from someone who is apparently so professional.

 

The dangers of listening to The Living Dinosaur in work

I’ve ripped The Living Dinosaur‘s Holy Hallucinations series to MP3 so I can listen to them while working.

It’s just because he rips a new arsehole for everyone he crosses, he makes me chuckle away to myself.

However, listening to Holy Hallucinations 17 in work, I got to this point and laughed out loud in the office. He’s replying to some prick about how great the human species is, and then lists superior aspects of other species.

And this is the bit that made me laugh.

It just so happened that I started laughing just as a developer turned around, so I’ve made him a little paranoid 🙂

 

« Older posts