Finally, it’s over!

The four year long pain of Jodie Whittaker being Doctor Who is finally over, and she went out as she came in. With a whimper.

Good fucking riddance Jodie, your time as the Doctor can be summed up in one word. Miscast.

A god awful actress with god awful writer and a cretinous cunt of a showrunner, looking at you Chibnall. You can take a long jump off a fucking cliff as well for all I care, at least it will protect us from more of your tedious, unimaginative scripts in the future.

Don’t let the Tardis door hit your arse on the way out.

Payback Joe Haines

I’ve had this in draft for a very long time, just waiting for the chance to use it, and finally I get a chance to be a vitriolic little cunt, much like Joe Haines is.

A little background for this walking turd.

When Freddie Mercury died due to complications of AIDS, “journalist” Joe Haines wrote a column for the Daily Mirror. While the world mourned the passing of a legend, and I use that word wisely, the skidmark of the face of humanity wrote this crap.

The article by the twat Joe Haines

All this time, I’ve held back this article, hoping the little fucker would die in horrific circumstances, a slow painful death. Sadly, it’s not that day yet, so I’m picking to publish this on the die his wife died after a “long and distressing illness.” I like to think that the long and distressing illness was being married for 68 years to Joe Haines, a scum of the earth.

They do say that when a couple have been together for a very long time, when it comes one passing, the other isn’t far behind. Well Joe, if you are about to drop dead, can your grave come with a urinal and a dance floor? We might need it.

The Queen is dead

And majority of sane people don’t give a fuck.

Didn’t know her. Never met her. Don’t fucking care about someone who’s position is an accident of birth.

The same mass hysteria on the scale of Diana’s… ahem ‘accident’ is on show, with the same cretins on TV, remembering how they saw Queenie whizz by in her car 30 years ago and how it’s all so emotional for them now she’s plucking harp strings with her husband now. Whoop de fucking doo.

But giving a shit about the UK royal family isn’t the point of this. Nor is the blanket, one sided version being fed by the media.


How about a woman being arrested for holding up a sign calling for the monarchy being abolished?

What about a man being arrested for heckling Prince Andrew?

Man arrested for heckling Prince Andrew –

And the fucking cherry on the shit sundae, a man hassled by the police for holding up a blank piece of paper, warned that is he write notmyking on it, he’d be arrested for a public order offence because someone MIGHT be offended.

Fuck me, people have lost the plot along with their fucking minds.


How not to describe a film to the wife

Every now and again, the wife asks me if I have anything we can watch. Since we have widely different tastes in films, it’s not often I have something we can watch together.

However, I thought I was on to a winner with this one as it’s a film based on real events (she likes that) and a murder (hmmm maybe on that one).

When she inevitably asks me what the film is about, because IMDB is a mystery to her, I open my big mouth and say with: “It’s called Sister, My Sister and it’s about two French Maids…” and that’s when she walked off with a sigh.

With the benefit of hindsight I could have explained it was about two maid who were French as it sounds less PornHubby.

For anyone not familiar with the story behind Sister My Sister, and it’s as fucked up as you can get, here’s a documentary about the Papin Sisters.

Another rant about designers

I have a love/hate relationship with designers, and I can say with absolute predictability, that it’s mostly been hate.

Past experience of a designers sending a web site design done Adobe InDesign or a spec so concise it could fit on a fucking stamp, really didn’t make life easy. Of course, that’s presuming you get a specification at all, hearing the words “do what you want” always filled me with dread as I knew with certainty that I’d end up doing 17 revisions of same fucking thing over and over again because the vague phrase “clean looking” means jack shit.

I love that some prick just out of university with a degree in design can be paid an exorbitant amount of money to piss around in Adobe Photoshop, fucking around with every combination of RGB values until it looks “nice and clean.”   No, sorry, I forget they can also draw boxes and use type tool to put “So and so goes here.”

And heaven forbid if a developer, like me, doesn’t make it an exact copy of their ever so precious piece of design. Yes, that one pixel difference ruins it huh?  Twat.

In the past it has caused more stress than anything else. It’s their “baby” and their intransigence to any slight modification of MY design” beggars belief.

It’s actually quite refreshing that the UI/UX designer I work with is… well… a laugh to work with and actually flexible. He’ll sit next to me and suggest changes to his work, and he always asks me for my input. Who would of thought it was possible 🙂

I like to keep up to date with design trends, and so you can imagine my reaction when I read my design feeds, and some pretentious hipster prick is banging on about him being a design wizard/ninja/god/etc.


I was reading an article the other day, and I forgot to bookmark it, where some cock was going on about a design he was working on, and how he had to, and I remembered this part in particular, “ninjitsu” something it to work.

Sorry? What the fuck is “ninjitsu”? But then I remembered I was reading an article by a pretentious prick, and from what I can gather, it what developers refer to as a bodge/hack/workaround. Developers don’t have an ego the size of fucking Jupiter, so we don’t “ninjitsu” anything, nor do we have an over inflated sense of self-importance to call ourselves “rock stars.”

Designers, learn to be just a little more pragmatic about things. Developers don’t try to be awkward for the sake of it, we don’t go out of our way to fuck up your precious designs.


The only good Russian is…

I used to have sympathy for the Russian soldiers in Ukraine.

The videos release of the POW’s show some pathetic scrawny little bastards who had no idea why they were in Ukraine and just wanted to go home. More pathetic what the phone calls to their mummies saying they wanted to go home.

Oh the poor things.

Now however, in light of the Bucha massacre, my only thoughts are… fuck em, only good Russian soldier is a dead one.

I smile and laugh when I see drone footage of Ukrainians blowing the fuckers up, little to no feeling for them or their families.

How to query an API. Or not, in this case

It’s a fairly run of the mill task for developers to access an API. Send a token, check you have permission to do so, and process the data sent back in the request once you have been authenticated.

It’s quick and secure and powers the internet.

No problem.

Like I said, you could do it that way if you were semi-competent. But there is an alternative method.

As a ‘senior developer’ you could alternatively skip the security and authentication and just send the users email and password to the server as plain fucking text in an GET request.

Yeah that works.

And to make this clusterfuck even better, could could error_log() the request, again not worrying about encryption or obfuscation. You could also put that file in a directory so anyone can type /log to the end of the URL to see the fucking file and see everyone’s email and password.

But only a fucking retard would do something that stupid.

Not saying it happened, nor did I spend three fucking hours changing all my fucking passwords and sign back in on desktop, laptop and two mobile phones.

No, I dreamed all this.

The Beatles Abbey Road 50th Anniversary

Another year, another remixed Beatles album is released. Last year it was the White Album, this year it’s the 50th aniversary of Abbey Road.

As I said in the last post like this, while I am a compelete Beatles fanatic, I’m not a fan of their later albums from Sergant Pepper onwards.

But my feelings for Abbey Road are a little different because of three compositions. Come Together, Something and Here Comes the Sun. Three great songs, and thankfully Apple Music have released an amazing video to coincide with the new remixed album.

And Jesus H Fucking Christ on a fucking bike, Here Comes the Sun sounds out of this world, sounds so fresh and betrays none of it’s fifty year age. I was blown away.

Roll on the 60th aniversary remixes of Hard Days’ Night, Help, Revolver and Rubber Soul 🙂

The Beatles White Album 50th Anniversary

So the Beatles White Album has been remixed… suppose you have to do something for the 50th aniversary. Not my favourite album in the world, anything after Revolver pails into comparison and while I can agree that it’s progression in their music and songwriting, it’s just not as exciting to listen to.

The White Album just appears to be a lot of knock off songs from India thrown together into a double album although it does have some highlights like Dear Prudence, While My Guitar Gently Weeps and I’m So Tired.

So it’s very meh to me, but there is a new video…. oooooo. Yeah exactly. So here’s a remix of Glass Onion, sounding a little less like filler music to my ears, but hey, we all have our favourites.